In a few short paragraphs a girl is going to ask me to dance “clean” with her, but before we get to that, a little explanation.
Being GainesvilleFamous is just shy of being completely anonymous. There are only about twenty people with any sort of name recognition in Gainesville. Subtract the ones that are athletically superior & the tazees, it really leaves about four or five, one of whom is my kid brother, with whom I was so recently in a band.
This is an awkward thing to write about, because the band -dis-banded (or, I should say, was disbanded) very ingloriously back in June ’06. Well, 4 of us were disbanded.
Back to the topic of my pseudo-fame:
Actually, before that, let me tell you that I am sort of drunk.
The “I am so drunk” phrase is typically a way for the speaker to absolve themselves of any actions in which they are about to partake. For most people, it’s something sexual, for me apparently it’s a blog.
If you have sex with about 8 people in a living room, you’re a whore, but if you say “I am so drunk” as you’re doing it, you’re just a drunken whore, which is to say, you’re just like the rest of us.
Z = the number of drinks you would have to ingest before you would do whatever action, like, have sex with a stranger at a party in a living room. The terrifying thing is that for just about every person on the planet, Z exists. For some, that approaches “unconscious” but… it still exists. I could conduct complete conversations this way.
FRIEND: Do you want to go to the movies.
ME: Z= 0.
FRIEND: We’re seeing Saw 4.
ME: Z= 3.
FRIEND: Then we’re going to go to Swamp.
ME: Z=5.
So, back to my non-fame.
I played bass, and wrote songs, for a band, for like, 5 years. I’ve been playing/writing for over ten years. Sometimes we played for two or three people. A couple of times we played for tens of thousands. I got to partake in some of the trappings of fame, I guess.
I’ve signed breasts. I had a song I wrote in a game by Electronic Arts (“The Sims” if you’re curious. Not Madden. I’m not that cool.) Another was a finalist for a songwriting competition. I’ve played with a presidential candidate. Got searched by the Secret Service. I wrote a blog which, according to Alexa (internet rankings) is still more popular than the band’s page itself, which is, you know, funny.
[If this is seeming awfully self congratulatory, take a deep breath. I indulge in more self-flagellation in a day than most people do in a month. It is nothing short of breakthrough for me to in anyway hint that I might be good at something. Fact is, I’m terrible at most things. I’m just lucky with a few, like writing, I think. ]
I’m going to break my ‘indifferent exterior’ for a second and gush over the fact that there’s really nothing more phenomenal than a girl wanting to jump you because of something you’ve written. I will blame the alcohol for this confession, but I won’t distance myself from it in the morning. Maybe it’s shallow, or intellectually shallow I guess, because it’s the inverse of traditional shallow, but it’s really the most rewarding interest a person could ever express. I say this all the time, but words are one of the primary ways we share our internal viewpoint, or perspective of the world.
When someone is interested because you’re a performing artist, it’s great and all, but it’s really sort of meaningless, because they’re just buying into a preconceived notion of what dating a musician is all about, and the fact that you’re on stage, and it’s cool, etc etc. I think a lot of girls have this fantasy of sitting around while the guy pensively mulls over lyrics, asking for their feedback (am I stealing this from nick hornby? I think I am), and discussing CD artwork. (ladies, I will happily provide this service). But that is such an incomplete picture, that I feel like I’m cheating when -that- picture works, so I shy away from it. If you’re into me because I play bass in a band, what are you going to do when you find out I soulja boy, alone, in an office, late at night? You’ll be confused, and I’ll be unsurprised.
When someone is into you because of your worldview, and the way that you share that view with just words…it’s just intense, to me. The person is essentially saying that “Look. The way you look at the world is beyond familiar to me. The fact is, so few people seem to share my world view, and the fact that you do makes me feel a type of understanding and familiarity that is so personal, and so deep, that I can’t help but be attracted to you.” I’ll take that over “Your dreadlocks are hot” any day. I wait for it, even.
Girls know all about this. Every cute girl has had some guy express interest just based on how they look. It’s cool at first, but every girl realizes her attractiveness is really just a winning lottery ticket with an expiration date. Eventually the chariot will turn into a pumpkin, and she’s going to be a normal looking middle aged woman. At some point girls figure that out, and start dating, accordingly. That’s why “You’re so hot.” is an awful ‘line’, because what you’re really saying is “It’s just a matter of time before I lose complete interest in you.” Substance over style.
[back to how cool I ‘m not, with my pseudo fame]
Oddly, I’ve been propositioned by married women. (* I mention this all the time because it is .fascinating. to me. I am (was) the bass player. You are MARRIED. It makes no sense. Someone tried to explain that it was the mechanics of bass playing are very similar to the same motions girls use to, well… you know. * So I guess that makes sense, I just never thought girls were that… practical.)
So. That serves as the I’m GainesvilleFamous backstory. I spell it out in detail partially because the rest of this story doesn’t make any sense, otherwise.
A friend of mine, Jeff Quintana, told me there was a party at Fat Tuesday. I went to Fat Tuesday. There was no party, but there were a lot of people dancing to club music, and it’s been probably 6 months since I was in that environment. I miss(ed) it.