Does Facebook have a way I can write something longer than a status, but shorter than a note? Because what I have to say right now doesn’t exactly warrant an entire, you know, note.
I just wanted to share this lyric from this T-Pain song with Akon, Diddy, and Mary J. Blige.
The song is called “Change”, but the hook is really from “Change the World”
This album actually has a <i>couple</i> of those lazy songwriting things where rather than coming up with a good melody (which is really hard), they just borrowed someone else’s. There’s a song called “It Ain’t Me”, and the melody is straight up from johnny Cash “It Ain’t Me Babe.” An unlikely theft, and one that their average audience member isn’t going to notice, which I guess is smart.
Anyway, every R&B album or artist will drop about 10 songs about material living and then balance it with the pre-requisite Michael Jacksonesque attempt at world salvation. I’m not judging, I haven’t written many positivity songs, and Diddy’s tax return will probably do more good than I do in this lifetime.
But it does make me laugh, when their discography reads like
Booty
Booty
Money
Booty
Money
Change the World
Booty
I would prefer it if they did this much more intensively on a micro level. Rather than have their WorldChanger show up as a blip on their music career, how much more fascinating would it be if EVERY billboard song had just two lines of positivity?
You’d be at the club minding your own business, the crooner (ha) would be talking about someone’s ass, and then for a split second you’d think you heard “sustainable energy” and then it’d go right back to ass. Would there be anything more fascinating than to see a club full of people collectively prairie dog?
<Photo 1>
At any rate, that’s not what happens. I think that after they record the last take of their Man-in-The-Mirror thing, T-Pain and his crew sit around, exhausted, and figure out what to do next.
—
[scrippet]
INT. STUDIO – DAY
T-PAIN and CREW sit around, staring at the control board of the recording studio.
T-PAIN
Whew… that’ll probably fix it.
T-CREW
(unison)
Damn right T.
T-Pain looks at his watch.
T-PAIN
S@#t, it’s only 2:30 and I already fixed the world.
T-CREW
(unison)
You said it Pain.
(I can’t decide if they call him “T” or “Pain”.)
T-PAIN
Well… anyone know what we can sing about next?
T-Pain’s crew scratches their head in unison.
Silence.
T-PAIN
Well, I did have this [b]one[/b] idea…
T-Pain’s crew leans in, eager with curiosity.
You can hear a pin drop.
Er. You can hear a pin drooOOoop. <– AutoTune
T-PAIN
…I did see this really nice ass the other day.
T-CREW
(jubilant unison)
GO GET ‘EM PAIN!
[/scrippet]
—
Crap, I almost forgot the line in question:
So, I’m in the Eugene Public Library, listening, and then THIS comes out of my headphones.
[If I could change the world]
“Race crimes, hate crimes would never exist.
I’ll turn every bullet to a hershey’s kiss.”
Okay, so that’s pretty funny, and the rhyme is over, so I figure the metaphor is done, and I prepare to relegate Akon Pain Diddy and Blige back to the background BUT NO there’s more.
Akon finishes it off with this.
[B]”AND WE CAN EAT AWAY OUR FEARS!!!”[/b]
I can’t tell you how badly I want to see this video.
I want to see Akon walk into like a battle torn scene with bullets flying, and the looks on the faces of the shooters (and shootees) as they all turn to hershey’s kisses, and Akon starts eating them. THAT would bring me back to MTV.
tagging: people that responded to the last note, oh and my significant other who claims she is intimidated, and as such has yet to comment. If only I could turn her intimidation into M&Ms.
p.s. As an added bonus, I’m including two T-Pain songs for your download. One is the world changer, the other is all about ass. Literally he just talks about how awesome his girlfriend is, but bases it solely on frankensteining together a girl with parts from celebrities. Not one lasting characteristic at all. This is me judging. It’s catchy as hell though.
Party like a hilton.
Sex like a kardashian.
Hair like beyonce.
etc etc.
Funny line:
Freaky in the bedroom, I tie her up like a mummy.
I gotta let her meet my mommy.
(Of all the reasons to want someone to meet your Mom…)
http://philmccarty.com/changetheworldandgetasstoo.zip