…than a picture of yourself at this age?
This poor kid, he just really had no idea, did he?
It might be strange to look at myself this objectively, but at the end of the day I don’t feel like I’m the person in this picture. I feel like I’m the person that kid eventually became or (optimistically) is on the way to becoming I guess.
I’m at my Dad’s house, and found this picture (among others) in a photo album. It’s 1:30 in the morning. I’m by myself, listening to sad nostalgic music, looking at nostalgic things, thinking nostalgic thoughts. So much nostalgia, I could vomit, but there’s nothing nostalgic about that.
Do you ever look at a picture of yourself at this age, and think about how nuts your parents must’ve been, over you? I mean they must’ve really just lost their minds every time they looked at you. This might not be healthy, but do you ever think about all the stuff that they wished would/hoped happen for you, that hasn’t?
[The night time is such an… inconvenient thing, if only because it really lends itself to these sorts of thoughts.]
And, worse.
What about the stuff that your parents <i>never even thought</i> to pray wouldn’t happen, that did? This picture is pre surgery for me. I couldn’t imagine finding out that -this- particular baby needed life saving surgery that may or may not work. Makes me want to bawl my f@#king eyes out, if you must know the truth.
Not for me (0 memories of that particular surgery) but for them. My poor parents. That must’ve been about the worst <s>day</s> months of their lives. I’ve never thought about it til this exact instant, but man, they must’ve just wept and wept and wept, right? How could they not? They NEVER say anything about it, and stupidly, it’s always been a constant, for me, so I, self-centeredly, project that onto them. But there was a before AND and an after, for them. My poor parents. Sigh. Could they have ever believed that it was one of the best possible things to happen to me? Nah, they don’t even accept that, now, when I tell them. C’est la vie and all that.
This is the last time I look at baby pictures at night, maybe that whole Mogwai thing was a metaphor. Don’t do -anything- involving cute fuzzy baby looking things after midnight, including reminisce. I think I’d rather deal with those Gremlins than with these gremlins.
So, if you’re inclined to play along, tonight’s question is, if you could, you know, send back three pieces of information to the younger version of yourself, what would they be? And please, nothing like “Buy stock in Microsoft.” You guys are so much better than that.
Here’s mine:
1. Don’t sweat the minor (and not so minor) crushes. Eventually you’ll forget every single one of them. Seriously.
2. Write something down every single day. Doesn’t matter what. You will get older, and will be willing to saw off limbs in exchange for what you were thinking when you were five.
3. If you think you know something about ANYTHING, don’t be afraid to speak up. Everyone else is guessing, too.
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I find that if I don’t tag, not as many people don’t read, but.. I can’t think of anyone it’d be appropriate to tag.