I’ve been working out.

I looked at the mirror yesterday and thought to myself “Man, this working out is really working out for me. I’m already pretty ripped.” I believed my excitement was both Justin Timberlake and Timothy Olyphant because I got a gym membership last week, and have been to the gym at least five times since.  Based on my self-evaluation I’m pretty much done getting huge, and will make “Just Pants!” my wardrobe of choice right around the ides of February.

My girlfriend has been patient with my shirtless strutting (“We have A/C. Are you warm?”), and even more patient with my ongoing Q&A.

“Can you see the difference?”
“Can you see?”
“Look here.”
“Okay maybe look here.”
“Okay NOW look here.”
“Okay now squeeze this. Right? RIGHT!?”

Yesterday, however, I hit some sort of threshold (how-could-I-miss-it-I’m-so-huge?) and, ever so sweetly, she suggested I take PICTURES of myself, so I could get “you know, a baseline” to chart my growth. Great idea, I thought, with gains like this, documentation is crucial or else no one will believe it.

(if your inner monologue isn’t occasionally underlined or italicized then you are seriously missing out)

Proudly, I posed in front my “This is My Year” poster (I bought it last year which wasn’t my year at all so maybe I should’ve been more specific at the counter) and posed for a series of what were basically mug shots. This particular perp was guilty of a grossly inflated self perception, despite confessing to grossly inflated muscles.

To be clear: I am neither ripped nor huge, and I am far from almost done.

At first, I thought it was the lighting.  Then I questioned the focal distance on the phone.  Privately I wondered if my girlfriend was a very good photographer.  Traditional negotiating with reality denial I did anything other than CONSIDER the fact that I’m just kind of a tall not particularly muscular guy, and that five trips to the gym is not enough to create any real meaningful change.

This reminded me of the outcome of a study that I read years ago:

Guys, when asked to evaluate their physical appearance, are almost universally overly generous.  All guys think they are better looking than they are, funnier than they are, smarter than they are, better dressed, etc.  The same study when performed on women, found more or less the opposite.

Girls, usually, think less of themselves. They think they are less attractive than they are.  They don’t trust their creativity, their talent, etc.

This tells me basically everything I need to know about Boys, Girls, and American Culture.

Not that there’s any surprise here.  Most of the times someone sends you a video of someone doing something stupid, it’s not just that they were being dumb, it’s almost invariably that their dumbness stems from a level of confidence in themselves that is completely undeserved.  Oh and that person is almost always a guy. YouTube is built on the backbone of Male Hubris.

Hm. Is it true that when a girl is successful on YouTube (not sure why this is the reference point but whatever) her persona is somewhat self-deprecating? LonelyGirl15? (i’m so old cause THATS my reference) Community Channel? I’m not a YT afficionado, you tell me.  There are more: Jenna Marbles (jennamarbles), Karen Alloy (spricket24), Rachel Bloom (racheldoesstuff), and Tessa Violet (meekakitty)*

What was the last girl that America really loved that wasn’t sorta down on herself? Liz Lemon oh wait, right.

This is sorta veering from the topic of my muscles and more into why America (people) seemed to be threatened by confident women but love (hiphop) confident guys, regardless of how right either party is, so I’m just gonna stop right there, not with a bang but with a whimper.*


Thanks to Warren Moore for updating my knowledge of self-deprecating youtube female stars.



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